On March 4^th, Funimation revealed that they had acquired the streaming rights to the “complex and dark drama” Dance in the Vampire Bund. Due to its scenes of lolicon fanservice, this licensing decision came as a shock. Especially considering the bad taste left in the mouths of fans by the Christopher Handley case. The next day it was announced that they would be editing their release of the show. The Internet then proceeded to lost it’s shit.

A few angry fans on the ANN forum actually went as far as to comparing Dance in the Vampire Bund to Stanley Kubrick’s adaptation of Lolita. Forum member J-syxx says this:

“Stanly Kubrik’s Lolita is perfectly fine and this isn’t. Have you ever actually read the novel, Lolita? Explain to me why the content in the novel of Lolita is legal and in every library in the country, yet this anime shouldn’t be allowed? Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

Thankfully tuxedocat stepped in to refute this statement, “The Kubrick film was made with the intent to cause discomfort. Vampire Lolita is made with the intent to arouse. So yeah, creepy.” Had this not happened, I might have given up on anime forever. Frankly, I don’t want to be part of a group that will sincerely say something so uninformed. I applaud your valiance, tuxedocat. You’re a true warrior.

Let’s get one thing straight: I’m super bias about this topic. I really don’t give a fuck that a couple scenes that sexualize minors (“excuse me, she just looks like a minor; she’s actually a couple centuries old, lol”) are removed from an already mediocre show that I’ll likely never experience. But in order to give a more accurate report on the matter, I watched the first handful of episodes on funimation.com.

It actually wasn’t that bad. I’m to understand that they removed some naked lotion rubbing, but I couldn’t tell because the story made plenty of sense without the scene. I was also privy to scene where the female protagonist fought someone while naked, but her erogenous zones were blurred out (THANK GOD!).

There is one interesting, and probably inadvertent effect of this editing, however. The fact that this lotion rubbing scene was removed had no impact on the plot. Hell, I couldn’t even tell it was gone. This just goes to show how forced fanservice in anime has gotten. In a perfect world anime companies would catch wind of this and stop adding crappy fanservice where it doesn’t belong and start focusing on–oh, I don’t know–the plot.

I’m just as guilty as the next guy for enjoying a little fanservice on occasion. I will fully admit to having the hots for Yoko from Gurren Lagann, but she at least looked like she was legal. But having a seemingly 12 year old girl prancing around onscreen in the nude is crossing the line, and Funimation realizes this fact.

I can’t pretend to understand why they bothered acquiring this show in the first place–maybe it was part of a package deal, or they didn’t know what they were getting themselves into–but I’m glad they’re handling it with caution. Anime fans can’t afford for another company to go down, especially over something as stupid as a “child porn” scandal. Think about it, if Funimation crashes, anime is dead.

Another thought that occurred to me was that maybe they’re doing this intentionally. Perhaps they wanted to spark a little purposeful controversy. It reminds me of when ADV announced said they were changing the title of Utawarerumono to Shadow Warrior Chronicles only to release another statement two months later saying otherwise (the corporate equivalent of, “Just kidding! But you should have seen the look on your face!”). While I highly doubt Funimation will recant their desicion, it certainly can’t be denied that it got people talking. Seriously, was anybody watching this show prior to the announcement? I sure as hell wasn’t! And I know I’m not the only one that checked it out based solely on this fan uproar.

So here’s my message to you, Angry Anime Fans on the Internet: Stop whining. It’s only a cartoon. Your first amendment rights have not been violated, and Funimation is not out to get you. No matter how old Mina Tepes technically is, masturbating to her makes you a pedophile. Funimation is still releasing Strike Witches uncut, so stop freaking out. The only message that canceling your Strike Witches pre-order is going to send is, “People don’t want to buy creepy loli anime anymore,” which might not be a bad message after all. And my final piece of advice is this: DON’T BE A PUSSY, OR I’LL BEAT YOUR ASS!

Five Totally Badass Anime Series That Were Released Uncut That You Should Watch Instead of Dance in the Vampire Bund:

• Baccano
• Berserk
• Gantz
• Samurai X: Trust and Betrayal
• Shigurui: Death Freanzy

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