Editorial: Parents, You Dun Goofed

As Jessi Slaughter pleas in her Youtube video for people to stop ‘cyber-bullying’ her account, her father heroically tries to defend her daughter’s name by calling out the internet. Threats were made of ‘back-tracing’ information and reporting of individuals to the ‘cyber-police’. Jessi’s father clearly didn’t think this through, but his heart was in the right place. His brain was elsewhere.

I feel somewhat ill-experienced to be writing on a subject that addresses parents as I am not yet one myself. However, I keep seeing the same scenarios with Jessi Slaughter repeated time and time again that it is starting to become an annoying problem. Parents have got to start being parents again. This goes far beyond making sure your kids get to bed on time, do their homework and eat their veggies. If you don’t want your kids to turn into drama queens or targets for child predators, you need to understand this complex tech beast known as the internet since your kids are spending a lot more time on it than you are.

Every so often I’ll see a parent watching their children access Facebook on their smart phone and utter the words ‘that’s too technological for me’ or ‘wow, these kids today sure are smart’. That is code for ‘I give up, this generation wins’. You don’t have to understand every little nook and cranny of the internet but you do need to understand where your kids are going online and just what they are doing there. That by no means implies that you have to like everything that your kids do. You don’t have to view Dora the Explorer with the same critical praise, but you do have to make sure it’s not a show where Dora explores the wonders of meth.

It has been said to death, but you really need to keep a close eye not just on who your children are contacting but HOW they contact them. I don’t know where all these parents got this bizarre idea that the internet is a nice, friendly place where everybody is respectful and insightful of your thoughts and opinions. This is how cyber-bullying became an ‘issue’. I remember an ad campaign for cyber-bullying back in 2007 and laughing at how ridiculous it was. I figured it was so ridiculous that it would become a non-issue in a few months. Not only is the term still being thrown around like feces in a monkey cage, but people are starting to look at it as a serious issue.

Cyber-bullying is such a vague and laughable subject it makes me wonder why real-life bullying wasn’t an issue before. At least real-life bullying you could actually be physically harmed. Cyber-bullying is just people making fun of or insulting you online. Basically, it’s children whining because they haven’t developed the critical capacity to ignore/deal with slanderous and juvenile remarks. Most adults nowadays are strong enough to ignore some random person online calling them ‘a faggot with no friends who enjoys coitus with transsexuals’. At least, most adults can. Those who don’t end up like Jessi Slaughter’s parents who truly believe that every social issue online can be resolved with a YouTube video telling/begging people to stop it. Welcome to reality, Mr. and Mrs. Slaughter, where threatening to put glocks in mouths and make brain slushies mean more than ‘just lyrics to a song’.

I’m sure most people realize this by now, but the internet is not written in pencil. If you post something and decide to take it down, that is not the end of it. If it’s real juicy and entertaining, somebody will mirror that shameful video of you dancing to Kesha. Some parents don’t seem to understand this either. Take Christian Weston Chandler, for example, who tried to make a video encouraging people to take down the video tour he did of his house for fear that the state would condemn it. His father bursts in to yell at his son to ‘get all that stuff off of there’. Chris’ father, Bob, does not understand how mirroring works, nor does he understand the implications of his almost 30-year-old son making ridiculously horrible videos addressing the ‘trolls’ of the internet. Want to see what happens to your kids if you don’t monitor their online activities? Look up Christian Weston Chandler.

How can you police your children? If you actually understand the social and technical aspects of the internet, it is quite easy. The most important thing is to know when to step in and know exactly what to say. There is a video floating around of a teenager sobbing on his webcam over some inconsequential bullshit when his father walks in to deliver one of the most intelligent arguments ever made on the internet.

Dad: “Son, go offline.”

Son: *sobbing*

Dad: “Go offline.”

Son: “You don’t understand!”

Mom: “Who is on the phone?”

Son: “Nobody is on the phone!”

Dad: “He was on his channel whining and crying like a little baby in front of everyone. Goddamn, son, where are your brains? Having a meltdown online? Where are your goddamn brains?”

Son: “Like I said, you don’t understand!”

Dad: “No, you don’t understand! You’re making an ass of yourself for all eternity!”

If the dad had ended that little talk with “son, I am disappoint”, he would be seen as a national hero. His words could not have rung more true unless he opened up a portal into the future to show his son how pathetic he would look if he continued in his ways. All parents should take a cue from this dad. In fact, write down what he said on notecards for when your children have a webcam meltdown. This should become just as common as the phrase ‘because I said so’.

Even when the internet was fairly new in the 1990’s my parents were still tech savvy enough to give me advice that still holds up today: don’t ever give out your real name, your e-mail address or your home address to strangers online. Parenting your children’s internet experience is a lot different than parenting their television time. The big difference here is that if you leave kids alone in front of the television, Spongebob won’t call them fags and post their personal information online for talking back. At least, not in any of the episodes I’ve seen. And with Smart TVs on the way that can access the internet while you watch television, you parents have got your work cut out for you. But, hey, it’s your job as parents to be facilitators of ethics, morals and knowledge. And there isn’t a whole lot of that online. So, please, don’t let your kids grow up to be like Jessi Slaughter or Christian Weston Chandler. Raise them to be thinking and reasoning adults who don’t spend countless hours trying to defend their name against internet tough guys.